Sitting Awake

It's late (at least for me!)and I should be sleeping because I have to be up fairly early in the morning but I can't seem to get to sleep. I have too many thoughts running around in my head tonight. The past few days have been trying ones for me and filled with alot of mixed emotions! I have tried to turn them over to God and let Him handle them but I also keep trying to pick them back up again. Like I know better and like I can fix things on my own. Lately my blogs have been a way for me to kind of vent out my feelings and sort things out in my head. When I can write them down alot of times I end up having and "ah ha" moment. I have realized in the past week that being a stepmom is the hardest job that I have had to take on. I watched the movie Stepmom when it came out and I always thought how would I act if I ever were to be a stepmom? Well...now I know. I fail constantly and it is so trying on a daily basis. Everyone critiques you and when you think that you are doing a good job and have finally started to turn a corner and make some headways things erupt and you are right back at the bottom of the mountain. A couple of months ago a friend of mine gave me a card and in it she had written down a vision that she beleived God gave to her for me. When I first read the card I couldn't really piece that together but the past couple of weeks I never felt that vision to be more true! I have really been growing in my walk with God this past 6 months and He has been revealing Himself to me in some incredible ways. The vision was of me at an old well pumping water tears running down my cheeks but I didn't give up I just kept on pumping. That is how I feel tonight. I feel like giving up and saying oh well does it really matter? But it does. Do you think that Jesus said "does it really matter?" the night that he hung on the cross for me? Yes it did matter and yes it does matter for me tonight! One of my favorite songs is by Natalie Grant "I will not be moved!" and that is what I'm claiming tonight. I will not be moved from my purpose in this life. I will carry on and keep on climbing up that mountain! With God's help and his strength and grace I will keep on!